is confusiong a good thing?

so recently its been all dance and fireworks with me... yeah. but there hasnt been dance anymore before volume 1 fnished, and now we gotta wait two weeks for volume 2 :( sigh. other then that fireworks have been great i mean the beach, dtown, friends, family, everything! but the only thing getting in the way is feelings. recently i havent spoken to you and when we do talk its like nothing. a phone call ONCE everyday? a txt msg twice a week? a msn convo 3-4 times a week? wth is this? a game!? i honestly dont know how i feel anymore.......... something tells me to stay and something tells me i deserve better. but i cant jsut do that to someone.

lately, ive been thinking if i should move on to someone else. someone whos comfortable around me, someone who takes time to talk to me and listens to my problems. someone who shows they love me..? just maybe :s

woooow.

omfg. just about two minutes ago..? i find out he's "in a relationship" ='[ you dont know how bad i want to cry. we actually really liked eachtoher. and thats what i thought. and then suddenly he tells me nows not the right time? my feelings never left me! i guess i didnt mean much to him if he could move on so quickly. you freaking LEAD ME ON! you know how much i HAAATTEEE that? yeah you should. we spoke about everything. and you couldnt handle the fact that everyone already knew about us?!?! just a little sad.. i thought you were more mature than that. but dw im not mad, just dissappointed (y) all those words you said to me. did you even mean half of it? you practically swept me off my feet bud. and now it really hurts me to think that YOU.. would do that to me, you said it yourself: "i dont wanna break your heart, and have someone like you walk out of my life :( i just dont want to enter a relationship with drama" i understood that but i didnt know that you would go behind my back an start looking for someone new.. now i know why you had so many excuses not to go out with me. i knew from the beginning you liked me, and my feelings grew stronger for you. and then a week after that dance, things started to go down hill? hmm. it was that girl i saw you at the mall with.. wasnt it? yeah, she prob. knew about me; the way she was staring at me! i was jsut smiling.

first, i cant believe you had to lie about something like that. you were the FIRST guy i liked in my first year at cambie (U) i guess my friend was right. you are a flirt? i didnt believe her.. and i tried to find out myself. but, you prove me wrong. honestly.. i had faith in you i had faith that when that one day came.. where you asked me out we'd last quite a while. but i thought wrong. "thats what i get for wishful thinking, i should've never let you enter my door" yuupp yuup. hows it feel? the feeling you totally isolated me.. after what i TRIED doing for you. hmm? dont worry im not mad. live your life.......... as long as your happy, im happy? i just want the best for you. and i wish the best couldve been me :( p.s. my feelings are still here (L) :$

hello mr.nice guy :)

alright. so i havent wrote on here in FOREVER : but i dont know. alot has been going on in my life lately! almost the past month? and not even enough time to write a god damn blog.. hmm well in january i started to like someone new. he knows who he is :) hahaha, mm i told him. and later after that things went well. then a few weeks after it went down hill like wtf?! right? i guess its just my luck with boys in cambie :( which sucks! i jsut hope that later on things'll work out right for teh both of us (Y)

aside from all that love stuff,
my life has been pretty good.. i went to visit my ND friends <3 WOO.
strictly was a blast, especially those hot boys!
partys have been very nice
just temptations was a bummer.. but i spent it with him :):)
boys ruled my life (n) that was a b*tch
my single group had mixed feelings, and still do!
i dyed my hair back to purple! <33 yaaayy
hmmmm and thats about it now i hope march has something better in store for me, instead of all this useless drama! GAAAD! au revoir m'loves

and it was good (y)

soo, today i come to school late.. :) hahha i missed school yesterday cause of my stupid headache! but yeah, once i walked into the school i saw him (L) which started my day perfectly muahha! and then i see the best group of friends, mmm love you guys haha. anyways, so i get to socials class.. it was ok time went by so fast i think its cause mr whittingham left the class? eh. and then science was pretty gay. i didnt finish homework :( urgh, but w.e i saw my f2! wooo. hahah you fricking ditcher jsut kidding. hmm, and then after science kristina tells me this girls talking smack? hahaha so i go "talk" to this little one and all she did was eat her cookie! HAHA. oh well.. today was good. it pretty much made part of my week that i was at school (y) we'll see what tomorrow has for me.

YOU.

it was a sucky thing for him to do.
hes a sucky person!
* * * *
im happy you dont care about me anymore. cause now i can go through my day.. knowing i wont have a missed call every few minutes. an unread text message saying sweet things.. when i knew it was all a fake! thanks (y) honestly. and now when i see you with her, ill just smile inside.. knowing im not the one putting up with your bs. you showed me you were a player.. the type that moves on to another girl as quick as a snap of a finger. thats good right? i mean your rep is only getting bigger, and by bigger i mean in a bad way. EVERYONE knows your a player, youre a jerk. you told me you'd change and that you loved me?! HAHHAH are you serious. all that was bs. if you LOVED me, like you said you did how could you move on so quickly.. to my "bestfriend" hah. whatever, have a good life with her.. im happy you found your true match you both are perfect!

that was a jerk move..

"p.s. stop bothering my friends cause they're getting sick of you too."

i was wrong. theyre not getting sick of you at all, SHES actually getting more and more attached to you. yeah i know i dont like you anymore.. and you know i dont like you anymore, but tell me this... what have i done to you? i mean im youre best friend, and for you to go and betray me like that? wow, some friendship we had.. thanks for starting out my NEW year! you knew we had a thing for eachother.. and it lasted about 2 months. and once you found out i was over him.. you go on and pick up my trash?! wtf.. have you never heard of the rule where bestfriends cant go for their bestfriends ex's or at least someone they had a thing for!?! tell me are you that stupid! ive NEVER ever done anything to hurt you and you re-pay me like this.. wow. how could you? yeah you know im over him.. but the truth is, hes not over me. and i dont wanna tell you this in person because i know youre gonna get hurt.. and you hurt me. so you'll figure it out later on. you dont need me. this was all a set up to you guys.. you guy are really good liars (y) you were right.. and i was a fool to fall for your jokes.

thank you :)

thank you for:

my new htc touch (: its beautiful!

my camera XD now i can take tons of pictures..

the accessory of my holidays :) ..ill cherish it forever.

the finale

so i finally did it , i told him off and trust me this wasnt the first . i guess now he finally got the hint im not into this .. yeah im sorry for what ive done to you but this is the truth , and i dont know how you couldnt just stop and think of what i was saying to you ? you made it harder for me and it got down to this :$ i guess we can be what I call FRIENDS , not what YOU call FRIENDS ! thanks . cause to me friends isnt constant texting 24/7 , acting big time , picking on my other friends , threatening my friends , sweet talking me etc . im sure you'll find someone better then me and please dont try and do this again cause ive had enough of it .
p.s. stop bothering my friends cause theyre getting sick of you too
and today wouldve been the day , one year .. too bad it ended . i seriously wouldve thought we'd last but i guess i was wrong all the drama in that ONE week where we were so far apart i thought you wouldve changed and we would make things work . i had to let you go .. good bye